the blue army

so my ipod touch, my friend...my compadre...my partner in crime--- froze earlier this week....icecube....totally....unresponsive.
so i....

1. gasped
2. turned it off and on 2-3 (hundred) times
3. turned it off and on just once more...in case that would be the one that worked.
4. plugged it in
5. synced it....okay---like 20 times.
6. googled "my itouch is frozen" and checked EVERY suggestion
7. turned it on and off...in case that mattered.
8. googled it again...in case someone put on the magic fix TODAY
9. asked ace...my go-to guy.
10. synced/turned on/googled one more time for good measure
11. asked my apple-guru, terry a...(holla for all you initial/privacy-types)...well...ace asked him...and terry was nice enough to call me and see if it worked...and walk me thru factory restore on itunes....NUTHIN.
12. checked the apple website and did ALL (multiple times) the trouble shooting stuff (even tho terry had ALREADY had me do all that.....
13. then.......i made an appointment to have my itouch diagnosed/fixed/buried at the apple store

i walked in to the store....and was immediately OVERWHELMED/OVERSTIMULATED/OVEROVERRED!

there were people EVERYWHERE...milling around...looking at computers... i knew i was out of my element. now---i LOVE shopping....but this is not the normal store...there are no cash registers...there are no grocery carts...no shelves for me to peruse....people were wandering around looking lost...zombie-ish....hoping someone would take pity on them...either by helping them or showing them the door to the real world outside.

My eyes glaze over as i stand there....holding my dark itouch in my hand...my eyes glancing from person to person....would anyone notice me and see my lost look? should i ask someone---is there anyone who isnt as zombied as i? am i doomed to roam this room of cords and wires and.....

wait....who are these that i see? who are all these people in blue shirts...with nametags and ipod touches in their hands....THEY ARE THE APPLE CAVALRY! THEY ARE HERE TO SAVE ALL OF US! THEY ARE EVERYWHERE....even standing waving at us from the front window (altho this did creep me out a bit)...there must be 40 of them! its an army of people who look TOTALLY COMFORTABLE in this atmosphere of nanos/shuffles/macs/pods 3G/4G/pads..... words so foreign in my vocabulary that my lips stumble just trying to say them....yes, my lips stumble...not stutter....so there.

then...o happy day....one of these blue-shirted warriors notices my distant stare...he approaches me and reassures me that he can, indeed, help me...he checks me in! VOILA! MY NAME IS ON HIS TOUCH SCREEN! he reassures me that i will be helped in just a moment... and....i look up to the massive screen across the back GENIUS wall...and my name is .....5th! WOW! ITS LIKE I ALMOST MEDALLED IN THE OLYMPICS OF WAITING!....so i roam...looking to see small groups being instructed in the world that is apple...children at a play area of computer screens....nanos hooked up to macs.... walls of cases and games and software all to make my life easier....WHERE HAVE I BEEN? WHERE HAS THIS BEEN? (oh yeah---i'm an hp---nvrmnd)

then he approaches....says my name... i show him my dead friend...he says "good news/bad news"... cant fix it (dont carry the part)...but he has 9 replacement itouches and can take care of me today!

"but sir!" I exclaim...."i dont have the extended warranty!"

"not to worry, fair maiden" and he brings out his itouch....types in the serial number from the back of my fallen techie....and

OH MY STINKIN GOSH!

i am 61 DAYS pre-warranty ending! (the included 1 yr warranty!) ...... THERE IS NO FREE LUNCH BUT THERE IS FREE ITOUCH!

the heavens open....i hear "the HALLELUJAH CHORUS"..... all is right with the world. He brings me an IDENTICAL itouch....i wont even know the difference.... A NEW friend...a new compadre....new---and yet...exactly like the old....apple has mastered cloning!

• i treat myself to a new package of covers for the face of my

BRAND STINKIN NEW free ITOUCH

REALLY? REALLY? WHAT WORLD HAVE I BEEN TRANsPORTED TO?

the guy (okay-----if you all werent so 'pc' i would totally refer to him as a nerd or geek...but someone might be offended...so i'll stick with 'guy')....

THE GUY TAKES MY CREDIT CARD (dont judge me) AND SWIPES IT ACROSS THE BACK OF HIS ITOUCH...AND EMAILS ME MY STINKIN RECEIPT.

almost you persuade me to be an apple.......