this is me now


warm and fuzzy forgotten carols

.....and even as i wallow in my miserable life, the Lord reminds me of opportunities given to get out of myself---one being the perform as Sarah in Michael McLean's "Forgotten Carols".  a beautiful show at Artisan Theater in Hurst right now (til dec 22) that reminds you of those around us that have found Christ and dont 'toot' their own horn----and those who still need to find Christ in their lives.

Thank you Dee Ann for giving me the opportunity to push myself out of my character comfort zone and to call on the powers of Christmas miracles to be able to sing Sarah's part.


dont read this if you want to be all warm and fuzzy

i'm grateful that 2012 is almost over....ever have a year that you just breathe thru?---barely breathing.

Thanksgiving was HORRIBLEAWFULTERRIBLE----dave had surgery on monday (this is not about david---he is fine---the only reason that was brought up was to add to the stress---if you want to know how david is---read his clever blog)---i got sick on thursday---it was just the two of us----so david went to golden corral with brother davis for thanksgiving movie tradition turkey eaten-----
Eden & Bill came up from austin on Friday---did their best to make it a 'holiday'---saw my show (forgotten carols)---that is always fun....
leah and family came up friday night----she was sick---jonas was sick----leah and joe saw the show on saturday matinee---they tried very hard to make it a nice visit..........makes it very hard when they leave---wow i'm really a debbie-downer
had 2 christmas miracles as i was able to sing my song----truly an answer to prayer.
sunday was a major implosion----rough morning anyway---normal sunday---but usually i can pull my way thru it----then i had to direct the opening song of sacrament meeting----Joy to the world----really?-----more stupid dagnabit information about ace---about a minute before church starts---somehow he is in michigan---having been kicked out of places in dallas and new orleans----and us not knowing anything where he was for a week---and now michigan????----nothing but worser and worser-----sam is fine-----but seems to alternate weeks of texting me how much he hates me and then how much he loves me----and molly----well---she has announced it----she is pregnant----ashton's dad took him---so they are in a custody battle that molly probably shouldnt win at this point----so why do people think they are being encouraging and supportive by "liking" the situation of a 22 yr old pregnant again in a custody battle with baby daddy #1 and no baby daddy #2----hmmmmm?
i have tendonitis in my foot---hurts like the dickens----and i have a tremor in my left hand---which is kinda cool to watch---but it hurts my elbow...a lot
after the opening song---i walked down the aisle---tears flowing----spent the rest of church crying, walking around the building, leah came and found me----so we walked around the building----sundays are so hard

oh---and president obama was re-elected....and they cancelled Last Resort----and nikki minaj is an american idol judge----stupid 2012
i'm grateful that 2012 is almost over.
and if 2013 isnt better----then i'm going to be less peppy---a lot

we'll see how long this post stays up...and of course Lyric reads this but doesnt comment----stupid 2012.


sometimes i'm NOT cryptic!

this was going to be a fb status---but decided that those that read my blog would really be the ones that appreciated it.

i am married to a most compassionate man
he worries
he doesnt get cryptic---meaning he doesnt understand it
he wants to do the best
nigh unto being a helicopter husband

i've had a bout of bad days----not horrible bad---just bad---and anticipating the holidays means anticipating a lot of bouts----

but i was at Michael's today---the store---doing some shopping---david called my cell---i didnt answer because i was checking out----so he called the home phone-----no answer--- he had talked about us going out to dinner but i said i'd prefer to when i called him and told him that i didnt answer his phone because i was checking out--------he kinda freaked----

like leaving work to go home freaking out
like getting an early appointment with my psych freaking out

like coming home to an empty house freaking out because i literally was CHECKING OUT AT THE REGISTER AND COULDNT TALK......sometimes checking out means spending moneyl

road trip 2012

Mom and I did a roadtrip for 2 weeks----Mom took the bus to Chicago---hopped on a plane---arrived in Dallas on a Wednesday----Eden came up on Saturday and took mom down to Lago Vista---Tuesday I drove down and we played for a day---Wednesday mom and i drove back up to fort worth----after my Fiddler on the Roof show closed on saturday---we hopped on a plane on Sunday to Mesa, Az to see Amy Edwards and her family (my brother, Marc's, daughter)---then Tuesday we hopped on a plane to SLC to see Brian, Ashley, Jake Ensign (those nephews and niece that stayed with me over the summer) and Alex Dow (pyper's 2nd son)---all at the Y---had a lovely dinner at Olive Garden----on Wednesday we saw: Michelle Moulton at her home---then meandered until i found my aunt Margo (mom's sister) at her home---then Lil (mom's oldest sister) and her daughter Suzie (my cousin--my age---soul mate type) came and we all went to sizzler for a late lunch---then back to Margo's to chat about strawberry jam and politics and such---then Sara ---another dear cousin came by and we had a lovely chat....then we said goodbye to all and headed to midvale to see Mom (David's mom), Sharon (his sister) and Cassie (Jeremy, sharon's son's wife) at Kneaders---are you following all that?  We pretty much closed down Kneaders.  Thursday we flew to Sacramento---met up with Pyper and started the wedding festivities-----it was a wonderful time and a blessing to rekindle friendship and love

moms trip started with a trip down to Lago Vista to spend a weekend with Eden and Bill---then I came down to get her---and got a terrific ride in:


had dinner at Outback Steakhouse---brought home enough for David for 2 meals!
cannon in his winter coat!
leah brought her boys up to see GreatGrandma
JOnas and his brothers were thrillled to come up and play with the doggies

and of course we enjoyed a trip to Joe's Crab Shack
dave treated us to cirque du soleil!
mom saw 5 shows of Fiddler! like being back in high school!
 we spent a few days in Mesa with the Edwards family----drinking their green smoothies----hearing them play their cellos and pianos and violins----applauding their smelling
 megan gave me her bedroom for a couple of days-----almost i snuggled with eeyore a time or two
 this was an amazingOrgan Stop Pizza place that made me happy-----the guy played all songs---all the stops---no music-----thats what i want todo when i retire! (sorry it is sideways---hold your phone sideways really quick before it adjusts)

this doesnt brelong here---ashley ensign gave me these the next night in provo

 amy, macy and mom and i went to see the gilbert temple---unfinished----still beautiful

 time for school (madi is already gone)---ben, blake, grandma, megan,. macy and amy

 madison and mom with brownie enjoying the attention from grandma

 theres macy eating at the table!  yay macy! amy inspired me to do green smoothies and homemade salsa! both were delicious---had seconds!

every night we got a green smoothie---and it was delicious----i think we shall set a knew tradition

mom and i had a great time throught all this time

 my cousin Sue and I have the ability to be gone for a long time and just pick up----she is a treasure---we had lunch at Sizzler in Salt Lake with Lil, Margo and my mom.

 we took out the byu students to Olive Garden---had a great time with Alex, Jake, Brian and Ashley

                                                                      Brian and Ashley

   mom and jake trying to decide what to order---we ended up closing down Olive Garden---stayed and chatted and laughed---even sang happy birthday to ashley and jake---both had birthdays coming up soon.

 i was able to crochet trims to nearly 6 pair of socks during our airplane trips

flying over the grand canyon!
the whole trip was FAMILY----and blake's face says it perfectly!




pray-ers most of you know....i am involved with community theater---Artisan Center Theater in Hurst to be specific....founded and owned by a couple in our church....and while there are usually somewhere between a handful to a group of LDS actors and crew involved with each show----that is not the majority----you find a wonderful mix of organized religion, non-denominationalists, spiritual---and so devout! 
we pray vocally before every show
we devote every show to God
we pray for people to be touched
we acknowledge our gifts from God

when someone is sick or hurting----small groups will gather right then and there to pray over/with that person---without a big discussion or finding the right moment----they just stop and pray

sometimes i think that as a "Mormon" i have the special phoneline to Heavenly Father---and i am so wrong!

open conversation of dedication to God---of going to church---singing in the choir---mission trips---serving others---all things we do---but, at least me---that kind of conversation doesnt rattle off my tongue easily.

it is so inspiring----i hear their prayers---true conversations with God----in the circle you hear occasional "amens" or "thats right" DURING the prayer......i love the open-ness----the matter-of-fact attitude of "well---of course we pray---of course we give God the glory---who wouldnt"

i---in my own little prayers----am trying to be more of a pray-er....more open with my spirituality and how it in part of my every fiber and every action.


breathing again----plus a p.s.

....with time...and random acts of kindness aimed my way...and the prayers of many...and family that loves and nurtures...and a very patient and empathetic husband....and a loving Father in Heaven....i am breathing---and i tear up even at the writing!

the stewardship league in my ward has sorta realized the mis-step----but that wound is deep and slow to heal (my fault)---the grief process is SO obvious----kinda in the angry towards acceptance phase---
and i am talking more---obviously---i'm even linking to fb----NOW THAT IS TRANSPARENT!

we still dont have an address---ace emails us every 3-4 weeks---wanted to buy Lucy---REALLY???  those emails hurt more than help---he remains listed as a missing person but we are pretty sure he is in south Dallas----idiot----stupid----rotten---miss him to the core

performing in Fiddler on the Roof at Artisan Center Theater and having a bajillion Dancing Moose gigs has helped----quiet is lonely.

but we suffer...we suffer...we suffer in silence (its a quote from Fiddler)

---and you KNOW!

 i NEVER suffer in silence!

ps---recent comments tell me that people are reading this as suffering----you can have pain but not suffer----i was suffering----now its just a dull---boring----to the heart and very sole---thru every fiber of my being---kinda feeling----thats all!  i dont cry everyday----and i dont think of it every minute---- so everyone chill---relax----move along----theres nothing to see here


I miss ace


Isaac vs Isabella

 crochet crochet crochet---bell is being blessed in new orleans on september 2nd....crochet crochet crochet crochet.....hurry hurry hurry.....and then

ISAAC! hurricane Isaac aimed straight at New Orleans---david and jasmine evacuated with their 3 little ones to his parents' home in Beaumont (and yes---there were a few prayers sent for Isaac to aim towards beaumont---but then i stopped that)....
crochet crochet---weather channel---weather channel----power outage----floods---security alarm goes off---David and Jas dont know what happened to their home---no one can go look at it during the storm---but the security alarm company called and said a back door was opened....and then the power went out...... hearing from friends about flooding-----crochet crochet crochet-----FINISHED! YEAH!

friday---aug 31---they decide to go home----have power! for about 10 minutes---then it goes out---we fly down there Saturday morning---power comes in about 10 minutes after we arrive---hallelujah! Their fence came down in the back yard---and they got a very little moisture in the garage---no door was opened---so they were blessed----they had friends who had just moved into their first home and had 4" of water and no power for a week (as of this writing---still no power!)---david hall spent 2 afternoons there pulling up carpet and floor---my david spent sunday afternoon there!

 we shop at walmart---yeah---shelves were empty                     this is a house near their church
                                     saw many light poles down----so many fences---so many power trucks and tree removal trucks.....people hit it right away to start recovering
HUGE tree came up right out by its roots! lucky it didnt hit their home
but we were here for a more blessed reason

jasmine and her girls----asleep

what a cute family!
                                                    bell in her dress (she borrowed Beth's slip)                                      

grandpa's favorite position
                                                 there was only one hour of church---and no microphone---but we got her blessed----and she looked beautiful---
                                             after church---Iva Hall, James Hall, Ben, David, Beth & Bell Asleep David, Jasmine and me
                                                even made her a headband to match her dress
                                                         grandpa (coach) with miss Bell

                                            grandpa with a smiling Beth!
                                                            Mr Ben ready for church
                                            Iva and coach got Bell this beautiful blanket
                                             grandpa can always get Beth to grin---not an easy thing!
                                              so I would say that Isabella was the winner!


Ben Hall

---one on one----what a great way to get to know someone----

this summer we had a big Ensign (my fam) reunion in Wisconsin---we've known about it for 2 years---so why the heck did JASMINE AND DAVID HALL PLAN TO HAVE A BABY 2 WEEKS AFTER? i dunno---but they did---and that will be a future blog---so----we offered to take Ben Hall (yes---we call him that because we also have a Ben Webb---and yes---we call him that) with us to the reunion---which means driving 1200 miles with a 3 yr old...and then 1200 miles back with a 3 yr old...and keep him for 2 weeks more before flying to New Orleans for the birth of his baby sister.  we didnt offer to take Beth---we love you Beth---but you were only 15 months---and this was our vacation! :) see ya in a couple.

Jasmine and David Hall (yes---we call him that because we have David Jeppson---but we dont call him that---we call him My David---or Dad---or Grandpa---or Brother Jeppson) agreed to let us have Ben (from here on to be referred to as "Ben") for 3 WEEKS!

 the many faces of Ben in the car---fully dressed with shades
 fully naked watching a movie---anticipating a loud sound!
feeling great after throwing up--hence the naked
                                     sound asleep with his pirate blanket                                     

cuddling asleep at the resort in Wisconsin
asleep on his little couch
yes mom and dad---he brushed his teeth

asleep cuddling with chloe---on my bed
asleep on the couch---we just let him be

 ben doesnt like loud sounds---so at the circus in Wisconsin---this was his position most of the show!
 but he was the only grandkid willing to go up to the clowns to get a picture!

playing with milo on top of his cousins Abby and Trevor Dow
visiting Great Grandpa in Freeport
                                                            Greatgrandma and Ben
                                                       happy boy at Chuck E Cheese!

                          after multiple water parks and swimming lessons---he was a fish!
                                                  hmmmmm---who enjoyed the games more?
he figured out the tickets pretty darn fast
                    his favorite ride at Chuck E Cheese                    

in motion as SuperHero!

                                                      free reign with my phone to take pictures of anything
cousin jake horsing around
watching Bugs Bunny on the Ipad

                                                     swimming lessons at Hurst Rec Center
 when he saw mommy and daddy at the NOLA airport---he took off running---with his elmo suitcase trailing behind him!

it was joy---pure joy.  He had his moments of missing mommy and daddy---saying "I need to go home"---so we made sure he skyped and called home a lot----but mostly we played, took swimming lessons, gave in to his every whim and desire---we arent his parents---we are his grandparents....which meant Chuck E Cheese----NRH2O (water park)----crawling into our bed in the middle of the night.  My nephews and niece were here---so Ben got to rough house with them---and he learned to say Outside! to the dogs.

Ben is so fun---so entertaining---has a great sense of humor---loves apples and all fruit---and shrimp.

when we got to New Orleans---he looked at David and I and said "you gotta go" "where?" "home"---he was afraid he wasnt going to stay with his family!

thanks Jas and David---and thanks Bell for coming 2 weeks after the reunion!