this is me now

9.19.2012

breathing again----plus a p.s.

....with time...and random acts of kindness aimed my way...and the prayers of many...and family that loves and nurtures...and a very patient and empathetic husband....and a loving Father in Heaven....i am breathing---and i tear up even at the writing!

the stewardship league in my ward has sorta realized the mis-step----but that wound is deep and slow to heal (my fault)---the grief process is SO obvious----kinda in the angry towards acceptance phase---
and i am talking more---obviously---i'm even linking to fb----NOW THAT IS TRANSPARENT!

we still dont have an address---ace emails us every 3-4 weeks---wanted to buy Lucy---REALLY???  those emails hurt more than help---he remains listed as a missing person but we are pretty sure he is in south Dallas----idiot----stupid----rotten---miss him to the core

performing in Fiddler on the Roof at Artisan Center Theater and having a bajillion Dancing Moose gigs has helped----quiet is lonely.

but we suffer...we suffer...we suffer in silence (its a quote from Fiddler)

---and you KNOW!

 i NEVER suffer in silence!

ps---recent comments tell me that people are reading this as suffering----you can have pain but not suffer----i was suffering----now its just a dull---boring----to the heart and very sole---thru every fiber of my being---kinda feeling----thats all!  i dont cry everyday----and i dont think of it every minute---- so everyone chill---relax----move along----theres nothing to see here

7 comments:

Princess Mommy said...

Most of the time you suffer cryptically!

Natalie said...

Hugs!!! I think about you often! I can't even imagine what you are going through, but I hope you find comfort in something every day cause you really are amazing. :D

natalie said...

I'm glad you don't suffer in silence! You know you are one of my most favorite people! I love you and your family!!

Olivia Carter said...

I second the suffering cryptically! But we all love it & you just the same!

Sending long distance hugs your way. And I'm so glad you are keeping yourself busy with all this wonderful acting! Wish we lived closer so we could enjoy watching you!

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