this is me now


my future-moment

ace december 31, 2009
went to a "future-missionary" meeting tonight with David & Ace.  Got a nice invitation in the mail from the stake presidency.  Ace & I arrived (david was coming from another meeting and would see us there)---we got there a few minutes early (as i'm prone to do)---Pres. Vigil (1st counselor in stake) came up and greeted us and asked if I would play the piano for the meeting---"sure"---then Ace asked if they needed a chorister----Pres Vigil gladly accepted Ace's volunteering....told us the the songs and we went up to the stand.  It was a nice meeting---3 young men---one having returned from his mission 4 days ago!!!!----the other two within 3-4 months having returned home---each spoke and bore a strong testimony of how glad they were service.  Then the three members of the stake presidency all spoke about their missions.  I had to keep kicking ace to stay awake----as i'm prone to do----

then---it happened----

closing song----Called to Serve-----I'm playing the piano---looking at the chorister---as I'm prone to do---- and OH MY GOSH----its Elder Jeppson! I START STINKIN CRYING! thank goodness I know that song by heart---muscle memory ROCKS! i totally saw Ace as a missionary directing the music---hearing these wonderful 17-18 yr old boys out in the audience sing this song----my mascara is dripping down my cheeks---cant see a thing.  I was so proud of stinkin--falling asleep-grounded from electronics-chat my ear off-Ace!

its a moment i will hold onto when the other moments jump out at me!


even after 30 years----you still remember....

 I pasted and copied this post from cjane
 i still cry for couples i see experiencing infertility----even after 30 years---even after 6 children----its a deep pain that is hard to understand unless you have experienced it....I thought she said it wonderfully---so hear ya go:

Infertility is so much more than not having a baby in your arms.

That's why you can't hand your crying baby to the infertile woman at church and say things like, "Here, this will make you feel better. Aren't you glad you don't have to put up with this?"

The woman experiencing infertility doesn't want your baby. Certainly, your baby is squishy and lovely (even when crying) and smells so nice, but that's not it. That's not even a consolation.

Nor is saying to your infertile neighbor, "You should just adopt. If you adopt I swear you'd get pregnant. It's happened to like, three of my friends/relatives/coworkers."

Because, that's not it either. It's not about achieving some ends to a means. It's not about belittling adoption so you can achieve a pregnancy.

And adoption is not a scientific cure for infertility--and it's not an emotional cure either.

Infertility is an all encompassing state of being. It has the force to completely take over the core of a woman's belief about who she is and what she is capable of. It's not about having a biological baby or an adopted baby or a foster baby, it's about feeling whole even if no baby ever comes at all.

It's about overcoming those days when you are called to repentance (by well-meaning family members, or ladies at church) for "lacking the faith to conceive" or for being selfish because "what is taking you so long to have a baby?"

It's being able to love your body even though it's not functioning in a fertile way. It's about ignoring the statements like, "if you lost weight you'd get pregnant," or "the clock is ticking! you're getting too old," or "I don't know what the problem is, my husband looks at me wrong and I'm pregnant!"

It's the determination that no matter how family-friendly our culture is, or how valuable we pronounce motherhood or how we like to say well-meaning things like, "we're all mothers!" that the truth is we are all daughters of a loving Heavenly Father. And that isolated characteristic is mighty powerful in its own course. Anything else added to it is cherry, but not necessary for our eternal self-esteem.

My own battle with infertility ripped me apart. In those heavy years I felt every emotion given to mankind to feel. Jealously like a furious ocean. Anger, rage and self-directed disappointment. It wasn't just the inability to conceive, it was the inability to believe in myself.

There was a lot of misunderstanding everywhere I went.

BUT. There is a belief structure that we preach in our church based on a scripture in the Book of Mormon it says:

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

If we come unto Christ, He will make our weaknesses strengths.

I'm not talking about being infertile for five years and then pregnant for the next four (which, as it turns out has happened in my experience). My weakness wasn't infertility which was washed away by strong fertility.

My weakness was not seeing who I really was, with or without a baby. I could only see myself as a person who wanted. I was incomplete. And upon getting (miraculously) pregnant I didn't suddenly understand, but somehow along the way I could see how the Lord took me by my hand and showed me my strength:

I am a daughter of God, and therefore entitled to intelligence, creativity, joy, inspiration and beyond. These are my strengths. Real strengths.

That is not to say there aren't residual wounds that came because of that inner turmoil (I am still working on forgiving some of those "helpful" remarks . . .) I feel I'll never get over the entire experience completely. And I suppose this is a post easier to write on the eve of having my third child. But I remember saying to myself during those extremely lonely years, "I want hope more than I want a baby." I didn't mean hope that someday I'd conceive, I meant hope that someday it wouldn't be so painful to be me.

This past week I was asked by Studio 5 to be a guest on their Sensitivity Training segment. They asked me to speak about how to talk to someone experiencing infertility. During the interview I said a phrase I didn't get to really explain "there's light at the end of the tunnel." It sounds so cliche and trite out of context. I didn't mean conception.

I meant: the light at the end of the tunnel comes when the light inside of yourself illuminates who you really are, and what you're really capable of.

That's when infertility becomes less about having a baby in your arms and more about gratitude for having experienced it.

another girl!!!!!

her name will be Siri
her due date is Nov 1st
anticipate white as porcelain skin---but will wear Cowboys blue!I can dress her up in SO many ways!

i have had my blackberry for 2 years

i have hated my blackberry for 2 butt-dials---it purse-dials----it is SOOOOOOOOOOOO slow in saving pictures-----the pictures are fuzzy and AWFUL!

my kids all have androids---they updated BEFORE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO---so when I called Sprint to upgrade 6 months ago---they said sorry---you have 6 months yet.....grrrrr.....I am the primary number!

but....fate stepped in----and last week Sprint got the iphone----and this week I UPGRADED---whoot whoot!

i use my phone a little LOT!  so i wanted one with a good camera---i wanted one that i would love as much as i love my itouch----VOILA!

Siri on iPhone 4S lets you use your voice to send messages, schedule meetings, place phone calls, and more. Ask Siri to do things just by talking the way you talk. Siri understands what you say, knows what you mean, and even talks back. Siri is so easy to use and does so much, you’ll keep finding more and more ways to use it.

Siri will call you by name! I'm so excited!


back again...

gotcha! not MY back---but i'm back again! in primary.....

it has been 23 years since i was in a Primary Presidency! I had just found out i was pregnant with Jasmine when I was called as primary president....LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time ago.

so 5 weeks ago I was called as 1st counselor in our Primary----working with the children 18 months to 12 years old....
I've missed the last 5 Sundays---between Pyper's birth---then Porter's blessing---then Pyper's blessing---been gone a today was my first actual day in Primary---and it wasnt a 'real' Primary---we were rehearsing for our Primary Program for next Sunday.

big fan of stickers

I am serving with Ashley Walker and also of this fame, Kim Dewey and Jesica Eastman----3 of the cutest little girls you would ever know---and yes---i can call them girls---I am totally old enough to be all their mothers! but they also each bring a very special spirit with them---so i'm excited.

In the 23 years since last i served in this capacity I have served with EVERY OTHER age group---and been primary music leader 2-3 times---

so i was a little worried---these are a bunch of little kids---and i dont have this age group in my home---but the minute i heard them sing all those familiar songs---saw their cute faces---watched them wiggle, pick their nose, scratch, wipe get the picture----it all settled in and i am so happy to be there!

wow---nothing sarcastic or cryptic or clever----what is wrong with me!?!


my back

cant sit
cant stand
cant lay down
cant bend over
but apparently i can type


Photo hacking

BTW - pics are being posted at random by Jasmine Hall with EXTREME bias. :) This is a blog-nap, folks! And any commentary will be added by Merf later-she is better at hilarious commentary than I am. :)
my clever--no wait---jas said "hilarious commentary" ---yeah---no pressure there---will be in the color of red for this post---thanks to jas for the pictures---albeit SIDEWAYS---she did say she hacked at 1 a.m.---go to bed, jasmine---go to bed!
we headed to disney knowing full well it was going to rain all day---but we had pre-purchased the tickets---so it was not an option to NOT go---3 babies, 3 double-strollers, 4 toddlers, one teenager, 10 adults---quite the crew to move around!
we got everyone ponchos to keep us as dry as possible---the boys were too small for even the child-size ones---so it was necessary to tie up the sides of theirs---they werent liking that a lot! we went to Magic Kingdom where most of the rides were toddler-friendly---this is Ben Hall loving the carousel!
Ben loved the Dumbo ride---even tho we were getting soaked!
we got all the boys matching orange mickey mouse t shirts---pyper and beth got pink onesies with minnie mouse ears---porter had an orange onesie with his name and mickey mouse ears on.
there is a great area in Disney where you can feed your kids---high chairs, small tables---a nice place to get out of the rain, eat, change diapers, nurse etc
leah is thinking of something---we stopped at an eating place to get out of the downpour and let the adults go on Space Mountain---Milo and Ben were asleep---as were Porter and Pyper----we played with Beth and chased cannon and jonas!
all of us in our rain-repellant finery---david hall, ace, joe nelson, me,leah...covering the strollers to keep the babies dry....barely saw porter or pyper!
david hall and ben on the monorail
because it was so rainy we didnt see many of the characters---but Cannon LOVED seeing Buzz LIghtyear---he's a big fan---Cannon talked about seeing Buzz for days!
On Sunday, we gathered at the church for the reason of the weekend---Pyper Lynn Webb's blessing.  Ben Webb's parents (lynn & judy webb) came in from Huntsville, Tx (they were at disney with us too---but jasmine didnt take any pictures of anyone but her kids apparently ----holla jas!)
Team Webb---Pyper is named for my sister pyper and both grandfathers---lynn webb and david lynn jeppson
pyper looks so much like Milo---and so much like Lyric at that same age---beautiful babies!
what a treasured photo---these three work very hard to stay close to each other---even if that means having babies at the same time! leah w/porter (8 weeks)....lyric w/pyper (3 weeks)....jas w/beth (7 months)
how the nelsons have energy to be fun, I'm amazed! Joe is in his 2nd year of medical school---leah is in her 4th year as the nurturer of boys---porter is in his 3rd month of this family!
dave and i do enjoy our babies' babies---milo and pyper in this picture
the hall family (ben was in the nursery)---living in new orleans seems to fit them well---david is an engineer at a Valero refinery---jasmine is a full-time student and chaser of all children Hall.
pyper looks like a doll---really---a doll---there is the hope of hair somewhere under that hairband! promise!
us with team webb
                                                                                  i look tired
ah---girl cousins! they dont know it now---but they will have to do a lot of plotting to keep up with the boys!
i love how the sons-in-law in the family are very friendly---we put them in charge of the pumpkin carving contest---very creative bunch this.
then we got the GREAT idea to do Anne Geddes pictures of the babies---in the pumpkin---did they think it was a great idea????? pyper---nope
                                                        porter still not liking it---cant imagine why

beth wouldnt really fit IN the pumpkin---so we put her on it---yeah---that went over well
cannon was a trooper---altho since he is potty training---this wasnt a stretch for him
bribed---um---i mean--rewarded Ben with a jelly bean for sitting

yeah---Milo was thrilled---even with the promise of a jelly bean---still not thrilled.
and Jonas wasnt having it AT ALL---not even with the promise of a jelly bean.
the final artwork---david hall did the disney castle on the left---ben webb did the 'disney' spelled out as a face in the middle and joe nelson did the buzz lightyear head on the right
pyper was so unaware of the importance of the weekend---its all about you, baby girl!
yeah---a little awkward, huh----there was a HUGE bathtub in the master bedroom---so the boys all got in---and apparently the big boys also---well, at least joe and ben! you can see ben hall and david in the mirror---ben just got out of the bath
jasmine is making tutus---and beth is a willing model---she made quite a few matching ones for pyper and beth.


the blessing of Pyper Lynn Webb

...just having her in our family.

but thats not what this blog is---this blogpost is about us travelling to orlando for the blessing of Pyper lynn webb.
3 jeppsons---david, ace & i
2 webbs---judy & lynn
4 halls---david, jasmine, ben & beth
5 nelsons---joe, leah, cannon, jonas & porter
all journeyed to orlando for this blessed event (how many times can i work that word in?)
we stayed in a 2 bedroom full kitchen resort at Hilton Grand Vacations at Seaworld (see my blog here) ...we went to Magic Kingdom with 11 adults, 3 two year olds, 1 22 month old, a 7 month old, an 8 week old and a 3 week pouring rain---all day---good times.  we ate Smokey of my favorite places...we went to church with lyric & ben---3 babies were blessed in church that day---Pyper was the cutest---Ben did a lovely job on the blessing....the webbs left---we went back to the resort and had a pumpkin carving contest (jas---do you have a picture?) and played the name game----we changed diaper after diaper after diaper (no pictures please)---there were multiple bubble baths in our big jetted bath tub---
hmmm...come back to this blog and i will include pictures...promise....
anyway---we were blessed to be able to go
blessed with a wonderful family
blessed with a new addition.

there will now be a pause in

what is your time worth?

 so what is your time worth?
david and i have gone to many a timeshare presentation---not that we BUY---but we dont mind spending a coupla hours to get a prize--- gas cards, hotel stays, kitchen gadgets----but it is all about the hotels---
we have gone to Las Vegas, Branson, Orlando (coupla times).... we've also NOT gotten a coupla cruises and hotel stays....
typical time share presentation:
you get 3 nights/4 days at a resort---all they ask is that you sit thru a 45 minute presentation (it is really going to be 2 hours)
customer service at the resort is AMAZING---facilities are great---we had a shower with water that came out of the ceiling---
so you head to the sales office for your presentation----
you are greeted by pretty people in black suits with jewel-tone shirts....they are SO HAPPY to see you---please---can i get you something to drink? a cookie? please sit down in this comfy chair----anotherprettyperson will be here in just a moment!
in comes anotherprettyperson ---also in a black suit with a jewel-tone shirt---so happy to meet you---tell me about yourself---wow you have HOW many kids? uh-huh! wow---that sounds great---let me tell you about myself---i used to be in *insert mainstream industry*---but then i got burned out and wanted something new and different---so i started with *insert brandname hotel chain/resort* about 3 months ago---and Man! I love it here----
so let me ask you a few questions:
do you like to take vacations? yes
where do you like to go? visit our children
thats not a vacation---where do you like to go---when its just for you? no really---we visit our children---thats where we like to go much do you say you spend on hotel rooms...$200 per night---plus food of $50 per person? no--we stay with family---or we if we do go to a hotel we spend $100 or so...and we eat with our groceries at Walmart or Publix.....
certainly you want to go to random wonderful places---look at this video---these pictures---see how happy and beautiful the people are that go to our resorts! yep--they sher are nice'n all (say that with a real country twang---it sounds funnier)
well---if you could stay at a LUXURY resort for 2 weeks a year---wouldnt you love that? yes, duh.
so---if you added up 2 weeks a year for the next 20 years you would spend like $60,000 on vacations! no--we already said we dont spend that much money or go for 2 weeks a year...thats not us.
but look at the beautiful places we have luxury hotels at---you deserve this!look at the happy people---even the OLD people are happy and beautiful!  no---not really---thanks but no thanks.
dont you want a place to take your family to? well yes---but we cant afford to take them TO anywhere---thats why we GO TO the family.
what if we were willing to finance it for 20 years---or cut the price in half and finance that---or cut the time in half and finance that---or just finance something? no---we dont finance vacations.
but you can give it to your children after you are dead! hmmmmm---thats a happy thought...kinda like dancing around the gravestone!?
so you really arent going to buy? no---its not right for us right now/we have 6 kids/*insert any number of legitimate reasons why we shouldnt pay $20,000 plus $1500 per year for vacations to places we didnt intend on going to.
so usually this is where the prettyperson gets a littlehuffy and her/his tone changes---then comes a supervisor ---in a nicer black suit with a nicer jewel tone shirt who tries to convince you that you CAN afford to finance this --- no thank you.
supervisor abruptly closes binder---stands up---walks you to the front....barely a goodbye.

This weekend we did this same scenario at Hilton Grand Vacations in Orlando----
excellent customer service---check
supervisor---whoa--wait---no attitude? no convincing?  salesman actually says "this may not be for you!" no pressure? no huff? no walk of shame?


winning---that is what our time is worth! and visiting our kids---that is winning.  maybe an embassy suites in New Orleans?

the curse of the merf re: orlando

orlando...we love much to there....timeshare resorts to enjoy...great weathe-----WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT...not so fast.....
yes---orlando, florida---you do have wonderful weather---EXCEPT WHEN I AM THERE (see---i am always able to make it about me) ....hurricane merf perhaps?
proof is in the pudding:
Aug 2009---Gorgeous weather! but we cant go anywhere because DUH! lyric just had a new baby!
March 2010---STINKIN HOT all day at Epcot---okay---so thats not a hurricane---but it was SO HOT.
Aug 2011---in ORLANDO for my nephew, Brian Ensign's marriage to cute Ashley---there is a HUGE DOWNPOUR right when everyone is at Disney! HUGE HUGE DOWNPOUR---locals say "wow--never seen it rain like this with no hurricane!"
Oct 2011---we all come into town for Pyper's blessing---POURING RAIN all day when we are at Magic Kingdom---David Hall mumbles something about tropical disturbance 35---btw---it was gorgeous the day before AND the day after---just not THE DAY WE GO.again....locals say "wow---this is unbelievable rain for us!"....yeah---
so it must be me.


$153.38 splinter

so....i had nuthin better to do---so i went to the E.R. last night....why not?

heres the story---with pictures (i was lucid enough to take pictures throughout)...

9:45 pm....i'm sitting at the JONES home (protecting the innocent) in a primary presidency meeting----i move my hands under their kitchen table and

A stabbing pain goes thru the  middle finger of my left hand--- a small wave of nauseau---a little light-headed---i jammed my finger on the table----??????----i steal a look---there is blood---and pain--lots of pain----not a jam----but i'm definitely in a pickle (c'mon---that was funny)
(the picture isnt very good---forgot to turn off my flash---BUT I WAS IN PAIN---and you can see the block of wood---yes---thats what i'm calling it---sticking out)

so i am nothing if not prideful---SO I DONT SAY ANYTHING!----and MARY JONES   is an E-STINKIN-R nurse!  REALLY MERF?  REALLY? nope----i finish up the meeting---get in the car (we had carpooled)---and i get home---finger wrapped in a napkin....throbbing----i burst into tears---calling for ace.


so i sit and look at the finger---i think i've broken the nailbed---its kinda grayish---finger is swelling---the nail is moving a bit----i put a cold damp cloth around it---try to get my emotions under control---start trolling the house for nail clippers----FOR A WOMAN WHO LIKES MORE OF EVERYTHING I COULDNT FIND ANY NAIL CLIPPERS---SANTA?----i find tweezers--three of them----i start messing with the nail---then i realize its not my nail that i am moving---its a piece of wood.....a huge beam....
so i start pulling on it---each time a wave of nausea hits me----so i stop and assess the situation---i have to go to the hospital---dagnabit---david is in austin---ace is SOUND asleep---i can drive---but what if i cant drive home? dagnabit---i'm gonna spend all night in the e.r. for a stinkin sliver.

after an hour of pulling at it----i know i cant do it---so i go upstairs and wake up ace---i'm weeping---tell him he needs to take me to the emergency room---  he comes down in like 20 minutes (actually is just a couple---but it felt like forever)---he is dressed for seminary! 'NO ACE--NOT SEMINARY---YOU ARE TAKING ME TO THE HOSPITAL---I HAVE AN OWIE!'   "oh----okay".....

apparently you have to be taught how to take someone to the hospital---i had to put the dogs in the back---lock the door---make sure he had his wallet---he didnt open my door for me---i see a fhe in our future on said topic----but he woke up and realized what was going on---and drove me safely to the hospital.

triage----tell the nurse that from 1-10 pain i'm at a 6 1/2....BUT I HAVE A REALLY HIGH PAIN TOLERANCE---shoulda said 8----cause thats where it was headed....they took me back and i was in a room by 11:45

12 midnite

12:15 insurance lady comes in to get my info---i ask her to send ace---he has my purse--phone---ipod---all my distractions.

12:30 i'm texting (one-handed---not the easiest) with jas about the situation----and in a lot of pain---

12:45 dr comes in---looks at it----we will use (spelling warning) litocaine to numb my finger---then pull the booger out.  she warns me that the shot of litocaine is a very painful shot----thats okay---lets git her done.
(here is a picture of my finger right after the shot---puffy and bloody---yuck)

1:00  P.A. comes in...ace leaves....he tells me the shot is going to be the worst---pours iodine on my finger---then saline---then we go for it....i'm expecting STABBING pain---not at all---but i am a beast--
he keeps on asking me if i'm okay---as he 'z's' around the needle in the base of my finger---yep---it feels like he is pulling up on my skin---its tight----its uncomfortable--- he does it twice more--- still okay? yep----then he pulls on the splinter---nay---the beam---the 2 by 4 in my nailbed..... "um---okay---that hurts"---so he stops---gives me a little more litocaine (yes---i will be googling how to spell that after i finish this)---i tell him to just pull it----so he does....and .....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.....and it slides out. whew.

2 1/2 cm.....i get a 'whoa' out of the p.a.---he assures me that i made the right decision to come in---i would never have been able to get that out myself....he goes to show it to the doctor...seems to come out clean--- so i get released about 145 to go to the 24 hr pharmacy for meds .... i get to pay $150.00 as i walk out the door---but the nurse does tell ace that i'm not to do dishes or make beds or take out the trash
(lol---thanks nurse!)

2:30 a.m.  ace and i are home---both a little wired---both exhausted
5:30 a.m. ace is up for seminary
...finger is still asleep---still puffy---but it looks okay---bruising where the shots went in....

this is to give you an idea of how big it is---imagine taking the end of your headset and RAMMING IT UNDER YOUR FINGERNAIL----yeah---thats about it.

this is after the procedure---again---iodine on the paper---not blood---you can almost make out the line down the side of my fingernail where the tree branch was....yep----thats what i'm calling it.

you can see the blood from the shot on my finger----middle finger---iodine on the cloth---not blood
here is my finger ready to go home---big bandage to cover up where the treetrunk ---closer to the truth, i think) was taken out.
thats my story---and i'm stickin to tomorrow i will have been impailed on a redwood.
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