this is me now


peace in....

very tender mercies
random rays of light
the release of tears
seeing God's hand and love in times when I cant see anything else
family that prays for each other


i find joy in.....

sorry about the 6 months since my last post----got a lot to say---but not too much to tell---crap and happiness have happened----but today---I choose to find joy in-----

playing the piano for primary
singing songs with the nursery
having kids in primary and nursery come up and say hi---even an 11 yr old boy put his arm around me and said hi----not too cool for school
playing the organ for church---been 8 months since I did that---and I like to open it up---and they let me
facetiming with my grandkids---even for non-sensical conversations
cute nephews---adults---that come and visit
sleeping in
making a date with my grandboys to see Artie's Playhouse shows...and to eat superhero snow cones at Buds

there is so much to be sad about.....but not today.


blurred lines

...when your body is dealing with pain--- life becomes a blur---

I remember crying---- that I couldn't shower---that I couldn't go to the bathroom and get up off the toilet by myself---tmi I know----I was scared to move in case I lose another extremity---I just knew everyday was a day of healing and I had to wait it out....glad I took pictures

between November 9-dec 10ish----blurred lines----I remember friends coming to visit---I remember playing with the grands----leah tells me we went to see Frozen----I don't remember the movie AT ALL! I remember sitting in the theater...... thanksgiving came and went in a blur---- never did eat dessert----jasmine and leah cooked----2nd year in a row I missed out on thanksgiving---one of my favorites!

got my cast on my wrist right before thanksgiving---HALLELUJAH! what a difference that was! and my stitches came out of my foot---

the weather made it easy to stay at home---cold spells coming thru----sitting in the wheelchair I would kind of cave in on myself---so it wasn't comfortable for very long---

time heals all wounds---especially physical ones with incisions
 my view of the backyard---my camera positioned so I could see what was happening out my window behind me
 my view most of the time----puffy foot  under my heated blanket
 right after my wrist surgery---before the cast went on

 purple cast----duh
close up with no stitches! sorry if it grosses you out---but that was significant!
 can you see the imprint of the knee scooter brand in my skin? yeah---that's how we roll
quite a spectacle to just get me out of my room into the front room---much less to the theater to see Hunger Games---jasmine was a blessing!


toppling over I'm getting around good on my scooter----sure---I carefully get to the edge of my bed---nature calls and all---get on my scooter---its 3 a.m.---head towards the powder room---done, done and done----head back to bed----SQUIRREL---hmmm---what is that? I musta dropped something (cant even remember what it was now!) and so, of course----I lean over to pick it up......

LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN---FALLING DOWN---FALLING DOWN!  I go over---breaking my fall with my left wrist....breaking my left wrist---2 bones of my left wrist.

picture this----non-weight bearing right foot---broken wrist---3 a.m.---calling to david to wake him up---but he cant get me up---NON WEIGHT BEARING----I'm crying and moaning---- so he calls the ambulance and off we go----I barely remember anything except crying at how much it hurt....and hurt it did.

this was on Saturday, Nov 9----saw my podiatrist Monday---he just looked at me and said "I am so sorry"....david made a thousand phone calls to find an orthopedic dr that could see me right away---found dr khubchandani----saw him Tuesday----surgery on Wednesday.

I no longer feel human.

jasmine and her kids clear their calendar and come up to care for me---david has a trial----

one day at a time---breathe---


fileted like a fish

I have been anticipating surgery for nigh unto a year----after a coupla months of physical therapy to no relief---all concerned agreed it was time for me to have my toe---2nd toe on my right foot---way too long for its own good---on fire every day----hammertoeing up and over the big I decided to be fileted....truly---2nd toe to be cut from knuckle to about 3" into my foot....yikes....plantar plate (ball of your foot) tear to be sewn up---knuckle removed/bone shaved and rejointed....yikes.

but not til November---because I am SO important and necessary that the world would stop revolving if I was out for 8 weeks---(truly---there are only 3 of us at work and I'm the only chick---so it would have been a problem)----so I beasted thru til a break in our shows----the was the silliest decision EVER---I was in pain every day---toe on fire kinda pain....but that's how important I am.

October 29th, 2013---I went in under the knife---how ready was I, you ask? ready enough that even tho dear hubby was out of town for a trial, I was still willing to go in---so leah and boys came up to take care of me.

surgery went well--came home---stayed up until 5 am the next day! felt great---non-weight bearing boot---foot raised---see the dr in 2 weeks for stitches out...yay! I have very little memory of the next few days---pain kicked in---but the fam took good care of sister Eden came up from Austin (3 hr drive) and visited for a few hours and then drove home---just to check on me!  my mom sent me a box of all things purple---one to open each day for two weeks! my brother and sister sent me a MASSIVE box of chocolate and magazines....I have a great family.

lyric came up over the weekend to help me out---I was up on my knee scooter and tooling around to the bathroom and back.....too good to be true?
 personalized purple m & M's from the halls
 cannon and Jonas with the BOX of chocolates from Marc & Pat Ensign
 are you seeing a pattern? carebox from the Webbs
 one of the packages from my mom for opening everyday
my view


baby steps....from no steps

i'm way behind---but its hard to type one-handed---and now I am pushing myself all in the name of physical therapy.....if you don't know why I am one handed---WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?  that's okay---I'm sure you have a life outside of wondering about mine---so, in baby steps, I am going to catch you up.

October 2013

dave and I flew to san diego, ca for Shirley's wedding.  Shirley and sandy are two of my favorite people---their lives have intertwined with ours for 20 years---so when Shirley announced she was getting married in the san diego temple---we were so there.

 one of the coolest things ever---Shirley's baby, Reese---and her adoptive parents and sister were all there--- so cool---to see how far Shirley had come in a year and to see the huge outpouring of love for her and nick.

 dave and I detoured a bit and went to find the house where he was raised ---bit smaller than you remember---neighborhood is a bit more rundown---but good memories
 this tree is on the street outside his home in Torrance---so craggly---so much character.
 spent a morning at the Mormon Battalion site in San Diego---very interesting and found one of David's relatives was part of the battalion!
 yeah---this is us

we got to stay with my sister, Pyper and her family---I love San Diego---love Shirley---love Pyper!