this is me now


$153.38 splinter

so....i had nuthin better to do---so i went to the E.R. last night....why not?

heres the story---with pictures (i was lucid enough to take pictures throughout)...

9:45 pm....i'm sitting at the JONES home (protecting the innocent) in a primary presidency meeting----i move my hands under their kitchen table and

A stabbing pain goes thru the  middle finger of my left hand--- a small wave of nauseau---a little light-headed---i jammed my finger on the table----??????----i steal a look---there is blood---and pain--lots of pain----not a jam----but i'm definitely in a pickle (c'mon---that was funny)
(the picture isnt very good---forgot to turn off my flash---BUT I WAS IN PAIN---and you can see the block of wood---yes---thats what i'm calling it---sticking out)

so i am nothing if not prideful---SO I DONT SAY ANYTHING!----and MARY JONES   is an E-STINKIN-R nurse!  REALLY MERF?  REALLY? nope----i finish up the meeting---get in the car (we had carpooled)---and i get home---finger wrapped in a napkin....throbbing----i burst into tears---calling for ace.


so i sit and look at the finger---i think i've broken the nailbed---its kinda grayish---finger is swelling---the nail is moving a bit----i put a cold damp cloth around it---try to get my emotions under control---start trolling the house for nail clippers----FOR A WOMAN WHO LIKES MORE OF EVERYTHING I COULDNT FIND ANY NAIL CLIPPERS---SANTA?----i find tweezers--three of them----i start messing with the nail---then i realize its not my nail that i am moving---its a piece of wood.....a huge beam....
so i start pulling on it---each time a wave of nausea hits me----so i stop and assess the situation---i have to go to the hospital---dagnabit---david is in austin---ace is SOUND asleep---i can drive---but what if i cant drive home? dagnabit---i'm gonna spend all night in the e.r. for a stinkin sliver.

after an hour of pulling at it----i know i cant do it---so i go upstairs and wake up ace---i'm weeping---tell him he needs to take me to the emergency room---  he comes down in like 20 minutes (actually is just a couple---but it felt like forever)---he is dressed for seminary! 'NO ACE--NOT SEMINARY---YOU ARE TAKING ME TO THE HOSPITAL---I HAVE AN OWIE!'   "oh----okay".....

apparently you have to be taught how to take someone to the hospital---i had to put the dogs in the back---lock the door---make sure he had his wallet---he didnt open my door for me---i see a fhe in our future on said topic----but he woke up and realized what was going on---and drove me safely to the hospital.

triage----tell the nurse that from 1-10 pain i'm at a 6 1/2....BUT I HAVE A REALLY HIGH PAIN TOLERANCE---shoulda said 8----cause thats where it was headed....they took me back and i was in a room by 11:45

12 midnite

12:15 insurance lady comes in to get my info---i ask her to send ace---he has my purse--phone---ipod---all my distractions.

12:30 i'm texting (one-handed---not the easiest) with jas about the situation----and in a lot of pain---

12:45 dr comes in---looks at it----we will use (spelling warning) litocaine to numb my finger---then pull the booger out.  she warns me that the shot of litocaine is a very painful shot----thats okay---lets git her done.
(here is a picture of my finger right after the shot---puffy and bloody---yuck)

1:00  P.A. comes in...ace leaves....he tells me the shot is going to be the worst---pours iodine on my finger---then saline---then we go for it....i'm expecting STABBING pain---not at all---but i am a beast--
he keeps on asking me if i'm okay---as he 'z's' around the needle in the base of my finger---yep---it feels like he is pulling up on my skin---its tight----its uncomfortable--- he does it twice more--- still okay? yep----then he pulls on the splinter---nay---the beam---the 2 by 4 in my nailbed..... "um---okay---that hurts"---so he stops---gives me a little more litocaine (yes---i will be googling how to spell that after i finish this)---i tell him to just pull it----so he does....and .....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.....and it slides out. whew.

2 1/2 cm.....i get a 'whoa' out of the p.a.---he assures me that i made the right decision to come in---i would never have been able to get that out myself....he goes to show it to the doctor...seems to come out clean--- so i get released about 145 to go to the 24 hr pharmacy for meds .... i get to pay $150.00 as i walk out the door---but the nurse does tell ace that i'm not to do dishes or make beds or take out the trash
(lol---thanks nurse!)

2:30 a.m.  ace and i are home---both a little wired---both exhausted
5:30 a.m. ace is up for seminary
...finger is still asleep---still puffy---but it looks okay---bruising where the shots went in....

this is to give you an idea of how big it is---imagine taking the end of your headset and RAMMING IT UNDER YOUR FINGERNAIL----yeah---thats about it.

this is after the procedure---again---iodine on the paper---not blood---you can almost make out the line down the side of my fingernail where the tree branch was....yep----thats what i'm calling it.

you can see the blood from the shot on my finger----middle finger---iodine on the cloth---not blood
here is my finger ready to go home---big bandage to cover up where the treetrunk ---closer to the truth, i think) was taken out.
thats my story---and i'm stickin to tomorrow i will have been impailed on a redwood.
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Katie said...

AHHHHHHHHHH! Ouch. Seriously OUCH.

Lyric said...

hahahahahahahaha..."by tomorrow I will have been impaled by a redwood"

Sharon said...

eeeeeeooooooowwwwww! I would have done something less painful to get out of doing the dishes :) I cringe just thinking about it. Hope that it heals soon.

Kim Dewey said...

WHAT!?!! You had a tree trunk in your finger and managed to sit and chit-chat the entire way home!?!! All the while giving no indication that you would spend the rest of the night in the ER!?!! That is pain tolerance FOR SURE!! I bet you laughed during childbirth and cheerily said, "no, I'm fine" when they asked if you needed anything...didn't you!?!!
Sheesh! I would have taken you to the hospital. Raine has turned me into an expert on urgent care!

Ashley said...

OOOOOUUUUCCCHHH! Roy would have passed out for sure.

I love the part about Ace being dressed for seminary and having to do everything to get ready to go. Reminds me of a couple of times waking Roy up to go to the hospital to have a baby and he was totally out of it.

Ashley said...

Ooops, I meant "YOU having to get everything ready to go"

Natalie said...

Ouch!!! I wouldn't have been able to keep it together! I have issues with hurting my fingers though. It terrifies me!

David Jeppson said...

Husband perspective: I'm really sorry I wasn't there to help you out of your pickle or jam (I thought it was clever).
Financial manager perspective: Thanks for doing this before Nov. 15 as we need to spend more on our health care reimbursement account.
Expert witness perspective: We should start by sueing the table manufacturer, the company or person they bought it from, the Jones,(nothing personal) the church (strickly business)after all, it was a church meeting and they have deep pockets), Jane & John Doe and corporations A-Z. Medical expenses, pain and suffering for you and Ace, and a disabling condition (having to text one handed. Good case, photos, documentation, and the evidence. You still have the redwood, right? You must have driven the van.

Rondi said...

You and Dave as always crack me up. Your story, Meredith, definitely sounds painful; but it seems as I am reading along that it is similar to a guy telling a fish story..and the fish was bigger, and bigger and bigger.

Caroline said...

Okay, so I cringed the whole time I read this. Ow!Ow!ow!Ow!OW!!! I can sort of feel your pain, especially as my middle finger is recovering from accidentally jabbing a seam-ripper under my nail. Yeah, I had sympathy pains the whole time I read that. OW!