um----tmi---and no---there are not pictures

When you become a certain age---there are things that happen---
5 start school
8 baptism
16 drivers license, date
21 drink (well---if you choose to imbibe)
67 retire

there are also things that physically happen at/about certain ages
6 mo crawl
12 mo walk
2-3 yrs potty-trained
6 baby teeth fall out
12 puberty sets in
40 need bifocals or reading glasses

you get the idea

there are also medical tests with a date attached
vaccinations have ages
mammograms
prostate checks
COLONOSCOPY screening

every year, millions of people are supposed to have this age-appropriate procedure done---most dont---why?
1. GROSS-EW--YUCK
2. fear of the preparation
3. STINKIN EXPENSIVE
4. ew--gross---yuck
5. fear of the procedure---really---a camera up where?

yep---when you hit the big 5-0 it is time for a colonoscopy screening....now---for truth in advertising---i hit the big 5-0 um/er/coughcough a number of months ago----but David said we had money in our healthcare reimbursement account that needed to be used up---so i went and got new glasses....and had a chat with my primary-care physician....who agreed it was time.....yuk.
but i put on my big girl panties and went to see the gastro-enterologist.
 (sidenote: WHO THE HECK WOULD GO TO SCHOOL FOR 8 YEARS TO DO THAT FOR A LIVING?)
i explained to Dr Guinan that, since i had a gastric bypass 30 years ago, there was NO way that i could drink the gallon upon gallon of liquid required to 'prep' for the test....isnt there a pill?  he said 'yes--there is a pill---but it is 20 pills---with water'----so he prescribed a different prep---16 oz of a grapy-flavored water type drink---followed by 32 more ounces of water--all to be drunk in one hour (yeah---it took me 2)---drink it the day before---then 4 hrs before the exam---repeat....(so i was up at 2 STINKIN A.M. drinking this---took me nearly 3 hours---watching ESPN) (my prep cost $60---WELL WORTH THE MONEY---SUPREP BOWEL KIT)---then off to the endoscopy center.  oh---btw---the diet for the day before is clear liquids.....THAT WAS THE WORST---green jello, chicken noodle soup sans the noodles or the chicken,popsicles (nothing red or purple---you figure it out)----and stay close to a "facility" (if you get my drift).  (btw---if you dont do it right---the dr will send you home and you have to RE-DO it!---um, no thank you)
i had, of course, googled all the info i could about said age-appropriate procedure----DONT DO THAT---it will scare you to death.  I had pictured (here goes the tmi part---you were warned) myself semi-conscious (in Europe they do this WITHOUT ANESTHESIA!), butt-up (yep--i said it)---groaning (google talked alot about groaning during the procedure)
david drives me to the center ===where we pay (all bills together) nearly $600 WITH INSURANCE (what is wrong with this country????!!!!!)...and wait...and wait.
FINALLY they call me in---i put on a lovely gown and lay on a bed with heated blankets and towels---THANK YOU!---cute little socks with rubber stripes on the bottom complete the ensemble.
we wait---and wait....does not bode well for mr right-before-me .....if they find polyps---the dr has to cut them out---more time on the table.
the anesthesiologist---Charlie--cute bald guy with tats on his neck---"HEY---ARE YOU SURE YOU WENT TO MED SCHOOL?"---comes in---tells me what to anticipate and i request REALLY DEEP SEDATION---he assured me i would be out.
iv--in---ouch---my already bad veins are so dehydrated that cute nurse Dee has trouble---so when she gets the i.v. in she puts me on a little saline solution---my voice is totally hoarse due to the dehydration--again---figure it out yourself----i lay on my left side nice and relaxed---they roll me into the (duh-duh-dahhhhhhhhhhhhh) procedure room---there is a tv---Disney? Pixar?---no---my innards.
okay---ready to go---dr guinan comes in and apologizes for the delay---lots of polyps today--but maybe i'd break the trend---i told him to take his time....and i'm out.
waking up---there is david---total of about 15 minutes later (wait---did the dr really check me out thoroughly in that short of time?)----(wow---do the math---he's getting paid like $2000 an hour!)---i feel fine---AND I'M CLEAN AS A WHISTLE! yay!----wait--couldnt he have found SOMETHING nice and benign to make all this worth it?
lots of---well---hmmm---how do i put this delicately? well---they fill your colon with air so he can see---and the air must go out----so the nurse encourages me to let loose....excuse me.
30 minutes later i am dressed and heading home---stopping for Wendy's fresh-cut french fries with sea salt---and a nice long nap.
long story short----it was no big deal---prep was easier than i thought---worth the extra money---no memory--no discomfort....TOO STINKIN EXPENSIVE....
see ya in 10 years!