i've always known my kids would search for their birthparents....henceforth known as "bm"...no,,,that doesnt sound right....um....henceforth to be known as mb (mother by birth)....that sounds a lot better....anyway....as i've said before, 5 of my 6 are adopted....so i've relied on mb to allow me to be a mom. all of our adoptions were very closed....so we didnt know names or identifying information...we had stories that we were told about our kids' beginnings...but thats about it. we set an age of 21 for our kids before they should/could/would start the search...that way, at age 15, they didnt decide they hated us and go off in search of more loving and lenient parents.
Leah has always been very forthcoming that she would like to find her mb. I understand why a child would want this information.....yeah the whole politically correct "i want my medical history"...but i understand more wanting to see someone who you look like or to have an understanding of what happened....and best of all...to say thanks.
Right after she (leah) got home from her mission she started talking about finding her mb...what the heck...her mom....i know, I'M HER MOM, but i try not to get wrapped up in labels.....so after she got married she started the process. none of us knew how easy or difficult this would be. she contacted LDS social services (the agency we used for her adoption back in 1984....they referred to a private investigator in Arizona that would help her and be the intermediary....i guess each state is different in how you do the search....or each agency is different. the cost was high....so leah & joe delayed while they saved the money.....then, thru the generousity of friends...the money was acquired.....then cannon happened....so they took a breath. After christmas 2008, she started the search again....contacted the private eye (are any of you old enough to remember them being called that?) and got the search going....within a couple of weeks...maybe less....she had a city! HER MOM LIVES WITHIN 15 MILES OF HER.
disclaimer: i am not going to give identifying information about her mother....i'll be cryptic....but it wont ruin the story....
her mom....now to be referred to as P.....has an elementary age daughter....is married and lives very close to Leah. the private eye had them both sign documents saying they wanted to be connected...Leah placed a phone call to P at work.....then Leah being leah ( love you leah!)....lost her phone....for 3 weeks....she had a left a couple of messages with P but had not heard back....so we thought maybe P had some people she needed to talk to first or things she needed to put in order....but Leah had reached out and felt good about it.....after the 3 weeks, we replaced Leah's phone when she came to Fort worth to visit (and then go with us to Beaumont for Ben's blessing)....never occurred to us that P couldnt call leah if LEAH DIDNT HAVE A PHONE! in the car to beaumont Leah starts looking at her voice messages and missed calls...THERE WERE TWO FROM P! that poor woman had called leah back....and now hadnt heard from leah for 2 1/2 weeks.....I WOULD HAVE BEEN PSYCHO! so..... I was able to sit next to leah while we drove to Beaumont for Easter as she talked with P.....it was nice....leah told her about our family and the things she had done....even thanked her for making the choice to let us raise her. Since then, leah and joe & cannon have met P and are planning to get together with P's family soon.
how do i feel about this? i'm thrilled....as long as i get the emotional reassurance from my kids....and they tell me i'm cuter....i'm okay....these are women we have talked about and admired for 25 years.....women who made it so i could be a mom.....the best label ever. i would love to meet each of them and put my arms around them and express my gratitude....and hope they are happy with the end result of our combined efforts.