Dear Merf,

today you switched seasons in your closet.....so here is a NOT-TO-DO list!
1. dont buy any sweaters...nothing...none...you have every color/style/length/pattern...and sometimes two...you have plenty....unless you see a lovely red sweater...or a nice baby blue---but only those.
2. dont buy any stretchy-pants---yes, me and nacho libre---winter is my time for stretchy pants---and i have plenty....unless you see a nice gray pair to go with your new gray boots.
3. dont buy any shoes/boots/slippers/socks that look like slippers...thanks to Oprah and Payless....you have plenty....unless you see a pair of slippers that are really cute in a nice plaid...you can never have too much plaid.
4. dont buy purses---well---not many---you have every style and every color you need...so dont buy any unless you see one on a really good deal in a must-have purple.
5. dont buy anym0re suits---you dont really like to wear suits...you only like to look at people who like to wear suits....so, unless you find one that doesnt look like a suit...dont get one.
6. while we are at it...dont buy any more serving pieces---yes...i looked thru your cupboards...yes, i know you had a bunch of weddings recently...that time is over...get over it....so now you can stop....you have plenty...unless it is a double crock-pot server---then you can totally get that....its a crock pot after all and you can never have too many crock pots.
7. no more freezer food....the guys dont eat it while you are gone....and you dont eat it when you are home because you cook...i know it fulfills a need deep inside....we've come to peace with that...but there is no more room and we are coming up into the holidays....unless you see something new or packaged new...then you can buy one...only one...unless its on sale...then you can get some.
8. no more wedding dresses....you have 4 in your closet! really? who needs 4 wedding dresses....dont live in the past....let it go....now is the time to buy little boy sweatsuits....they take up a lot less space than wedding dresses...really....4 is plenty.
Love,
You

p.s. and while we are at it....no more guest towel sets....yes...i'm heading upstairs and i already know what awaits us there...really...no one gets that many guests....no one.