this is me now

5.05.2008

why david jeppson is not perfect

david has discovered my blog! ...his biggest concern is not that i embarrass him or sound too pessimistic, but that i make him out to be perfect...so i warned him that i would be blogging about him next...so here goes...
top 10 reasons david jeppson is not perfect

10. David is by far the worst driver ever---scary...TRULY---we used to joke that he hadnt had any accidents---just that he had caused a lot---nowadays we assume that anything wrong with the car is due to a wreck---his wreck---between tickets and accidents---yeah---get out of his way...white-knuckle driving at its finest---for the passengers. In his defense, he has no tickets or accidents on his record....OKAY---DAVID ADDED THAT---thats because our judicial system allows him to do deferred adjudication and comedy defensive driving every 3 months (okay--so i exaggerate a bit---but not much!)

9. How many colors of blue can you combine and still think you match? He will wear a pillsbury dough boy royal blue tie with a striped sky blue shirt and navy blue pants---with worn-out brown shoes and black socks....and baggy khaki shorts with a tucked in t-shirt---with cream socks 1/2 way up his legs............aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

8. the man remembers everything about all of his employees---is the most devout home teacher i know---making sure everyone is taken care of---but cant remember what i said to him 3 minutes ago or where i'm going to be in 3 minutes....yes, i feel forgotten!

7. he's a passive-aggressive delayer...he'll tell me about a speeding ticket (see #10) a week later...he will threaten and coerce the kids to not rat on him about a ticket...one day i was having a conversation at the house with a visitor---david walks in---sits in the kitchen with us and listens to the conversation for 20 minutes and then interjects---"oh, I should let you know---I was in an accident... "(see #10)...he waits til the last minute with a problem and then 'oh, by the way....'

6. the man cant dance...he doesnt even have two left feet. He doesnt look at me when he dances-he stares off into the distance---swaying back and forth like a 13 yr old boy....pumping his right arm up and down and slowly winding us into a vortex that will consume us. I think the slow dances are the time to rest to get ready for the fast dances---he thinks the fast dances are the time to eat the refreshments....and so are the slow dances. he noticed leah and ace dancing--and commented how they both chat with the people they are dancing with---duh!

5.His hobby is applying for credit cards...no interest no fee credit cards--then he does the whole shell game robbing-peter-to-pay-paul to keep them paid off---and he always makes it---and he gets such delight in beating the credit card companies at their own game---but how annoying---because he signs up for them in his name---and then in my name (double the benefit, you understand!)--and so when he needs to get rid of the credit card---I HAVE TO DO THE CANCELLING. He does the same with rebates---but doesnt involve me...you should see him the day after Thanksgiving...and we never have anything with the UPC code still attached.

4.his crackberry---the minute we get in the car (i drive--see #10) out comes the blackberry and he proceeds to slip into his own world of emails and internet...he is territorial about his toys--his Church News---dont come near it til he's read it...the CVS ads---dont even start....dont cross in front of him during "America's Funniest Home Videos" or "Boston Legal" or the Unit--but he'll come in chattin and makin all sorts of noise during American Idol!

3. If i have the sniffles---he has pneumonia...i rarely mention that i'm not feeling well because i KNOW he will come up within 24 hours of something worse...so i wait til after he is sick and recovers--then i play the guilt card that i had been sick all along.

2. He falls asleep everywhere---and not just nodding-your-head kinda sleeping---i'm talkin curl up into a ball type of sleep. He falls asleep during family night---during the prayer....falls asleep driving, on the freeway, in heavy traffic (see #10)

1. he gives in...to me.

10 comments:

AnonymousPrincess said...

This made me laugh! I love daddy because of all of this!! Well...maybe not the scary driving...but the khaki shorts and the socks? Thats just cute!

Ash said...

Roy and I do the whole sick thing to each other. We'll wake up and say "I have a sore throat" and the other always says "yeah, I have a headache and a sore throat!" and then we get to decide who is sicker and has to get up with the kids.

Reading all of this makes me wish I knew all of my extended family better!

Cathy said...

this was hilarious!!

there are a lot of similarities with my dad....the driving, the sense of fashion, the falling asleep anywhere, including the freeway....

Michelle said...

I remember watching him fall asleep when he was Bishop. Great man, that David Jeppson. A little quirky, maybe, but a great man--and he taught me and helped me when I needed it most as a Primary president. Thanks for the laugh!

David Jeppson said...

Lucky for Meredith that I had already pulled the UPC symbols off of all her mother's day gifts or I would have returned them. :)

Meredith said...

now david--there arent UPC codes on trips to Bermuda....

David Jeppson said...

I had a difficult time removing the UPC from the yacht to Bermuda as they always put those darn things on the bottom and I had already docked it. I had to spring for scuba gear as well.

Christie said...

Oh, this cracks me up! Unlike Ashley I have had the opportunity to get to know y'all well enough to picture him doing most of those things. I can remember visiting one time when he was headed to Home Depot, all excited about the deal he was getting with some card offer they were making.
Oh, and I love sending in for rebates!

Natalie Guerrero said...

Great post! Fun read :-) I learned that your husband and I have something in common. . .#5 Not that I do it as much these days, but I pride myself in never having paid credit card interest while reaping the benefits of the cashback and other rewards for signing up and using them (always paying them off in full each month). I'm also a big day-after Thanksgiving Day sale person (Simon & I both are).

Eden said...

Well, I think David is perfect, but then I don't live with him. I think he's the perfect husband for you, Merf .... :o)