....dont think so----but a new normal has set in---one i hate hate hate HATE...a normal that includes daily crying....watching for an email or any sign...anger...depression...peace...sadness so deep you cant imagine...then back to anger and a need for vengeance (yeah---its one of the great weaknesses of merf---cross me and watch out)....a full understanding that there are others that are suffering the same and others that are enduring SO much worse than i.....but i'm not them....and this is me....and it hurts like an open wound....bleeding....oozing pus....streaks of infection striating out (hmmm---is that medically correct verbage?)----i pray---i bargain---i promise---i threaten----the only answer i get is "merf---not about you---not you---not you"....and that eventually it will be okay---maybe not great---but i pray for great---but at least okay---but its not okay.
ace is still gone. it is so mean---so unkind----to rip yourself away from people who love you without any real explanation...he continues to float from place to place---he is not in a good place---and i know he cant be happy---and i pray that he is miserable....yeah---i say those kinds of prayers.
we have his stuff---and have given him a deadline to come and get it or we get rid of it---thats the vengeful merf jumping out----but we arent a storage unit and if he wants to be 'unto himself'---then do it.
david and i---we cry---a lot----a lot. but we are making plans...for empty nesting....for us.... we have learned alot about us---about each other...about other people....about friends....
having our nephews and niece here for the summer (Brian & Ashley Ensign & Jake Ensign---here from BYU doing pest control to earn money)---they are heaven-sent------having the house with people in it makes it tolerable---altho they have seen me cry more than most anyone else EVER!
a few stars have come into our lives----a very few----we continue to be disappointed in people who dont notice----i dont care if you are afraid that i might cry by asking about ace---i cry because you dont notice ace isnt here----and i am offended----and i continue to be---- how bad is it? david is nigh unto offended---AND HOW BAD DOES IT HAVE TO BE FOR MY SWEET HUSBAND TO BE NIGH-UNTO-OFFENDED? its bad enough that we have talked about moving---or serving a church-service mission---something where it doesnt hurt to go to church.....more on that later...for sure....names named.... but there have been some stars that have entered and re-entered our lives that have not been hesitant to speak---and i hope to remember that and be that star---because i know that i have been the one to not speak up when i see pain in others----
back? not sure....but certainly not the same....the world according to merf is not the world merf would have designed.