as open as it gets

ace left home.

and i died a little.

ace is struggling with some demons and some poor choices....and not sharing them with us so we could help.

so one day after a week of attitude horribleness and us asking what is going on----he just looked at me and said "i have to go"

he packed a hiking backpack...jumped on his bike....and left.

and i died a little.

i went to school to see him---he wouldnt speak to me.

and i died a little.

he emailed me that he was safe...but wouldnt say where he was.

he came over for dinner after a week---and was fine---until we tried to get him to talk to us---and he shut down...and left.

and i died more.

no way to be cryptic----no way to sugar-coat----there ya go.

Bring him home - Alfie Boe [Les Misérables in concert, the 25th annivers...

demons

One less bell to answer
One less egg to fry
One less man to pick up after
I should be happy
But all I do is cry
(Cry, cry, no more laughter) I should be happy
(Oh, why did he go)
Since he left my life's so empty
Though I try to forget it just can't be done
Each time the doorbell rings I still run
I don't know how in the world
To stop thinking of him
'Cause I still love him so
I spend each day the way I start out
Crying my heart out
One less man to pick up after
No more laughter, no more love
Since he went away (he went away)
(One less bell to answer) Why did he leave me
(Why, why, why did he leave)
(One less bell to answer) Now I've got one less egg to fry
One less egg to fry
(Why, why, why did he leave) And all I do is cry
(One less bell to answer) Because a man told me goodbye
(Why, why, why did he leave)
(One less bell to answer) Somebody tell me please
Where did he go, why did he go
(Why, why, why did he leave) How could he leave me

mantra

its not about me
its not about me
its not about me
its not about me
its not about me
its not about me
its not about me
its not about me
.....
still not about me

not done cooking

do ya know what happens to cookies that you take out of the oven too soon---or a quiche---or a pie---or a cheesecake--heck---even a turkey----if you take it out before its done cooking---you have to throw it away.
cookies will just flatten and get mushy
quiches and cheesecakes will crack and fall
undercooked turkeys will kill you


let me put the cookies in for just a while longer

how the heck did i do it?

• how did i (and by I, i mean david and i---but this isnt his blog----so i say i)----how did i get 6 kids dressed by 9 a.m. church?
• how did i check 6 kids homework and grades
• how did i get 6 kids fed everynight
• how did i get 6 kids put to bed
• how did i get 6 kids up every morning
• how did we (yes---notice i give due credit) pay for all this?
• how did i (and this one is totally I--me--myself) get my kids to and from doctor appointments for well-baby/vaccinations/medicine management/camp physicals etc)

cause now----

• 1:30 church---i'm nagging on ace and david to get out the door by 1 (dont ask---if you arent early you are late)
• 1 kid in college---still checking
• i dont cook anymore---or i COOK---but regular day-to-day meals---meh
• ACE---GO TO BED---cause---
• what do you do with a 17 yr old who STILL wont wake up to an alarm clock?
• we've been blessed with opportunities to earn money---and things were cheaper back then---really---cheaper---no cell phones, no internet, no cable---gas was .99 a gal---so was milk---so were kids
• ace and i just took 3 dogs to the vet for vaccinations----one dog peed all over the floor---3 times---one dog peed the whole time they were giving him shots---the big dog got stuck 10 times while they tried to find her vein thru her hair and it took 2 vet techs to hold her still---and she wasnt fighting!....$329 later we are done for the year.....may i point out that you can say "sit" to dogs and children---and it works.

sorry it is sideways---i was holding 3 leashes

A woman my age

.....you can't say that in your 20', 30', or 40'.....makes you old before your time.....but women MY age:
Aren't expected to do heavy lifting (who do they think does it when you are alone?)
.....it's okay to have wrinkles on my forehead....
....no one is surprised I'm a grandma
....don't get invited anywhere (wow....that sounds like a cry for attention)
....it's okay to not be trendy in clothes....cardigans with cats are totally acceptable (don't have any, but it would be okay)
.....get reminded of the quirks of my youth---and questioned as to why I don't continue (DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOUR EARLOBES STRETCH FROM BIG HEAVY EARRINGS?)
....for the most part are treated politely by men and boys of all ages
....are invisible
.....should wear short hair? Or make a last run at long? You tell me!

 46 years ago----hair is still the same texture

 back of my head----its even longer now---this was 2 months ago

 longish hair---but slumped over---5 years ago

 perfect short hair at beth's blessing

 normal short hair----really really short hair

 2 years ago short hair---i look like a thumb

short after a long day waiting for beth!

recent long hair---football helmetish? it flows pretty---but still looks WAY normal